Matandang Dalaga

It starts with those darn fairytales and movies, I guess. The prince that is set to rule a kingdom, tall, handsome and falls in love with the girl at first sight. One sight, that's all it takes for the prince to move hell and high water to be with you. As you transition from fairytale to teeny bopper movies, the kingdom disappears and it is replaced by the guy next door who got it all good, a good son, rich, good looking and desired by many women but he only desires you. As the Sweet Valley High is replaced by Hollywood, you start realizing that the boy next door can't be true. That the bad boy may actually be more... and hotter too. You want someone that has played the field, passionate but misunderstood and has gotten into one too many troubles but straightens his path for you. He turns everything around and get things together so he can deserve you. He walks the straight path but isn't afraid to turn all bad if it is for you. Then you realize that bad boy doesn...

Those people who says they wouldn't change a thing in their past, I am not like them. There's like tons of I would rather not have done or have done. Yeah, I do believe that everything I am now is a product of the decisions I've made in the past but I have to admit that I screwed up some people in the past big time. I hurt some people that I love and treated other people in a way they absolutely don't deserve. I held back when I should have given more and I stayed when I should have left. Yes, everything I am now is a product of the decisions I've made but I sure would have saved so many people some pain and trouble had I known better. I also would have made things easier for me or would have avoided passing up on some dreams had I known better. If only I could have met the younger me, here are the things I'll advise her to do. Sometimes, pain is inevitable. It's just a matter of hurting now or hurting later. Choose 'now'. You will ge...

Would you ever fall in love with someone who is stupid? Love, I have always believed, is something that grows. Love at first sight is actually just attraction. How you nurture that attraction will decide whether it will lead to love or not. Conversation is a huge part of that process. Even if two people are more inclined to do more physical activities like play sport, hike, bike, do extreme sports, or whatever, you still need to talk while, before and after doing those things, right? If you get someone who has nothing to say or say stupid things, how do you keep on spending time together? I am not after someone articulate. You can be articulate and still have nothing substantial to say. I am talking about actual substance in their brain cells. Click here to read "Is he worth the mistake? " Would you ever fall in love with someone who is intellectually way inferior than you are?

There has to be at least one. If you're single, financially stable and in the Philippines, it seems like an unwritten mandate that you support one of your siblings or nieces or nephews to school. I am not sure how it happened. I just did. Every single person I met in my career with a "great career" has that one scholar. People around us started making babies without a rat's ass clue on how they will support the child's future and they proceeded anyway. Then somehow, they manage to find someone in their life who is single and earns money to enjoy the life of being single. Most of the time, it's a relative so it becomes some sort of an emotional obligation for that relative to care for the said child with uncertain future. Usually, it happens in stages. First, it's just money to pay for part of the tuition. The next year, they'll ask that you pay for the full fee and they'll pay you back. Of course, they'll never pay you back. In fact, ...

This is the most basic of all marketing principles: Tell the customer clearly what's in it for him or her. It's the golden rule. You can forget about all the other rules, tips and principle but not that one. Regardless of what you are selling or who you are selling to or where you are, it doesn't change the fact that consumer benefit must be the selling point.  Think about it, a night cream promises to make you look younger, a shampoo promises to make your hair bouncier, a pair of basketball shoes promises to make jumping easier, an infant formula promises to make your child well-nourished and a bank promises to treat your money like it's theirs.  We are always convinced that doing something will provide us a personal benefit.  It's an age-old trick and even (probably) the oldest institution, the most pure of them all used it, religion.  Religion, regardless of what it is, promises salvation. That's what in it for us when we join a religion, a place ...

That's the thing about being in a Western country. 33 is not old around here. I don't feel like a matandang dalaga at all... except when I am around other people from back home who grew up back home and migrated here late in their life. Here, people finish college at 23, that is if they finish it at all. Most of the time, they take longer because they have to come up with their own money to pay for college. If they want it cheap, their diploma will be cheap. If they want quality, they need lots of $$$ to have it.   Here, it's common for people to still be "figuring" things out when they are on their 30s. 20s was expected to be a time for being young. 30 is when you begin. For once in my life, I had a guy tell me, "God, you're so young." I literally wanted to laugh out loud and ask, "What drugs are you on and may I have some?"

I was doing well back home. After 33 years, I can pretty much say I was able to do accomplish a lot of my essential dreams: Buy a house for my parents Buy a car for my parents Provide for my family Put my niece to school Travel with my family Write a book Write movies Write TV shows I also have the same friends I've had since elementary, high school and college. There are times when our communication gets interrupted but it has been pretty much an intact friendship regardless of the frequency of our "get togethers". I was doing okay. I was happy. So everyone couldn't understand why I was leaving. After all, I was all set with my plans. I knew I was adopting a child if I get to 40 and I am still single. By that time, I estimated I would have enough savings to secure my child's future even if I don't work another day in my life.

For more than 17 years I worked like there was no tomorrow. I was 18 when I entered the workforce and a month into my first job, I was working at least 12 hours everyday. By the time I was 20, I was working 16 hours a day. It was the only way I could make enough money to pay for the house I bought and eat TWICE a day. I couldn't afford to eat three times. I had to settle for Pancit Canton or egg because I didn't have money to buy other dish. I was eating so unhealthily that I ended up 20 pounds overweight and sick by the time I was 21. I couldn't buy my own clothes that I had to borrow from my mom. My boss actually scolded me for wearing worn out clothes. How could I have told him I had no money to buy new ones? I had to do it because I lived my whole life in the basement of my grandmother's house who hated me and my mother with passion. I had to move my family out of the house because I wanted to give my parents some dignity and pride.

I went back to my alma mater. Since I am moving to another country for a job, I won’t be seeing it for a while. I knew it was going to be a little emotional for me but I didn’t know it was also going to be cathartic. Who Was That Person? I could see myself walking those pavements. I was perpetually in awe of the proud buildings, of those intimidating holy men immortalized through those dreary statues and of those traditions never imposed but always displayed. I remember my routine, the extra-curricular activities I joined and friends I made. I remember where I hanged out, what I promised myself I would become and what I tried hard to achieve. I remember my failures, the people I hated and impressions I made. But I don’t quite remember who I was. It was as though I was reliving someone else’s life, like I was remember someone I knew back when I was in college. I don’t remember who I was then. I wonder if that version of me would recognize who I am today.

Do you ever imagine how a guy would propose to you? There are some girls who like grand elaborate proposals, complete with an orchestra, under the sunset, candles and ground carpeted with rose petals. I don't like that. I do want to be swept off my feet but in a more simple but intimate way. More importantly, by the right person. My friend, who fell in love for the first time in his mid 30s, proposed . She said yes. My friends and I are meeting her for the first time this weekend. My friends are asking me to behave. I will but I can't stop laughing when I heard the news. Nope, I don't find the relationship "funny" in a bad way. I was actually giddy and happy for my friend. I mean, here I am in the midst of damaged, broken, traumatized and perpetually pragmatic men as a result of intensely chaotic or oddly steady but unequivocally fittingly painful relationships and one man rises above the rest to prove that love experience need not be painful and relations...

You post a selfie on Facebook, open it to the public and then you go all Rambo when someone says something you don’t like. You seek for attention and when someone gives it to you, you get upset. Hypocrite attention-whore. If your only intention is to share to the people who care about you, then share your stuff to your friends ONLY. Facebook made that function years ago. If you post it to the public, expect the public to respond. If you post a photo of you in bikini, expect people to comment about your body. If you want to show the beautiful scenery, get out of the frame. If you want to say something on your status message, say it and don’t leave some cryptic message that’s obviously meant to fish for attention.

I still don’t know what the deal is. So you record the most intimate thing you can ever do in your life. You don’t mean it to be public. It’s something you wanted to keep with your partner, for whatever purpose it may serve you. No one can fault you for it because, as they say, whatever you do in the privacy of your home, is your business. Until the sex tape comes out, gets on YouTube and other video uploading sites.  Yes, it should not have come out. Just like Chito Miranda, you made sure no one gets a copy of it except it turns out that you’re not sure because the tape did get out and now the whole world can watch you having sex. It wasn’t supposed to be your fault. It's a personal property and everyone is supposed to respect your property, right? It’s no different from having a  phone. Whatever you put there should be confidential. If it gets stolen, who stole it is held liable. 

How are you? I searched for your name in Facebook . You didn't show up.  You were a grade higher and we never really interacted so you probably don't know who I was or who I am. However, you pursued my batchmate. I was not close to her so I don't know much about your relationship. I just hears a few things about your relationship but never enough for me to know what was going on.  I knew that you broke up and, apparently, it was because the parents didn't want the two of your together. She transferred to another school in our junior year and I suppose it left your broken hearted. I overheard you talking about her one time. You said that you saw her and that she didn't change. She was still bubbly and pretty.  Click here to read "Marrying Age is Getting Older." I thought it was sweet but of course I was a little jealous. If it was me you pursued, you would not have been broken hearted, you would have been a loser.  I barely remember your face now....

I belong to the popular group in high school. It wasn’t because I was popular, it was because they thought I was smart so they befriended me. By the time they realized I wasn’t smart, it was too late. They were stuck with me.  I am not really sure what role I played in our group. We were a mix of beauty and brains. The smartest in the batch belonged to our group. The Ms. Campus on our Sophomore, Junior and Senior year belonged to our group. We had a friend who was also a member of the national swimming team. We had another member who was a great artist. I, on the other hand, was the odd one out.  Click here to read about  the childhood fantasies I still keep. The Pretty One / The Jock As I’ve said, the Ms. Campus for three years belonged to our group. That means we had, at least, three pretty ones in our group. One was tall and dark, one was downright charming and the other one sophisticatedly pretty. They weren’t fashionistas. In fact, they were very simple bu...

Who got fat? Who got hot? Who succeeded? Who failed? Who got married to a prince/princess? Who had babies and skipped the marriage part? What happened to the valedictorian? To that girl/guy who thinks he is smart? To that ugly friend in a group of popular ones? Admit it or not, those are the reasons people go to reunions. The surprising thing is that the answers are rarely ever the expected ones. Even if the valedictorian ends up working a high-paying job, he is most likely working for one of the high school losers or geeks who were bullied hard. Even if the ugly girl remains ugly, she most likely found someone who finds her pretty and makes her happy. Click here to read "Things I Wish I Knew When I was in My Teens". Even if the jock remains hot, there is probably some guy no one remembers who ended up being a model. Our religious valedictorian got pregnant in her junior year in college. She skipped a semester to have a baby. She continu...

I have a cousin who seems to have gotten it right with her husband. She has had several relationships but it seems she got it right this time. She often talk about her husband, children and her travels. She sounds happy and, I think, looks happy. I sometimes wonder, is she really? Her life is good but far from the life she used to dream of. This is not what she wants. The guy she is with is not even close to her type. Could people really change? Could people really want something and then end up with something else and discover that's really what they want? I also sometimes envy her, in a good way of course. I wouldn't want the kind of life she has but I envy the foundation of her present life. She has a husband who takes care of her, beautiful children, a career to make her feel she is her own woman and a family she is able to help. By all accounts, that's happiness in my eyes and success too.

I am getting too old for standard life bullshit and special people crap.  I have this thing where I find absolute disdain towards love stories that end happily. I don't know why but I just cringe and tremble at the thought of a guy running after a girl in the airport just as when she is about to board the plane to go some place where nothing will remind him of the guy.  I mean, come f$ckin' on. First of all, if a guy runs in the airport, he will most likely be arrested. Second, if a girl already boarded, there's no way in hell airport security will let her out of the gate come hell or high water. Third, I just have issues. End of story.  Last week, in a temporary feat of insanity, I decided to watch a movie, a love story, which I thought was going to be a tragic one. That was right up my alley.  The damn movie ended happily but not after 4 hours of separation, breaking up, fights, crying and other angst that keep on getting in the way of the two main charac...

So, how does this REALLY works?  I want my guy to open doors for me, pull my chair, carry heavy stuff for me, you know...be treated with gentleness. With equality, do I need to be gentle to him, too? I also want him to pick up the tab and be the provider of the family. Of course, I'll help but I want my main job to the children and him. With equality, doe he get to demand that he stays with the kids as much as I do? I still reserve the right to not say what I want and be angry when I don't get it. With equality, do they get to throw tantrums too? I reserve the right to say I am not mad or jealous and expect him to know if I am really not mad or jealous of he should run for his life. With equality, can he say something and actually mean something else and expect me to know the difference? Click here and learn how to avoid being a matandang dalaga. 

An ordinary afternoon with my friends. Idiot #1: I Don’t Like Hot Guys “Look, I know I am average looking at best. It’s fine. I’ve made peace with God about it a long time ago. It took me a long time but I finally was able to accept that I am not one of those people who can go out with in a white shirt and a pair of tattered jeans and will still turn heads. It was rough for me but I was finally able to get to that place when I just knew I had to take the extra mile to look at least acceptable. But the last thing I want is to walk around with a guy and have everyone around us think ‘She hit the jackpot but him… tsk… tsk… someone needs to hit him in the head or something.’ I don’t want to regress!” Idiot #2: I Really Don’t Care About Looks “I know a lot of women out there say they don’t care about a guy’s looks but they actually do, especially the hot girls. I mean, who would want their genes diluted, right? BUT not me. I really don’t care about how a guy looks. I am hot. I...

Woman Changing a Name And so he never returned. I wrote about this cousin who was left by her husband . There are some details I left out. He left on Christmas eve. Best Christmas day gift ever! For months, my cousin never lost hope that the guy will return. Eventually, he got in touch with her. They would go on dates and he made a promise every week that he will return the succeeding week. It never happened. I didn’t bother to talk my cousin out of hoping. What is the point, right? We all know people who are blinded by love is worse than a blind horse clearing a hurdle without an equestrian. The important thing is that she is sane again… at least that’s what she appears to be. Now, last week, she came to me asking how does she go about changing her name back.  Click here to read about how I DIDN'T discover my boyfriend was cheating on me.