Matandang Dalaga

There are certain events in our lives that push us to take a hard look at ourselves and really come clean and be honest at what we will see. To some people, it’s losing a job or losing a love one. to some, it’s getting an award or getting married. To some, it’s seeing a newborn child and talking with a dying person. To me, it was while I was eating salad. Yes, it was eating a salad. After spending the whole morning “trying” to work and successfully reading Facebook be bombarded by people criticize the government for the slow response in the face of calamity, I realized something. I have a beef with all the parents and adults who didn’t evacuate the area hit by Yolanda. They were warned and were asked to evacuate but they refuse. As a result, it was their children who died and suffered. The refuse to “avoid” the calamity and now they double, if not triple, the gravity of the problem. That being said, the problem is already there. There is really nothing we can do ab

There has to be at least one. If you're single, financially stable and in the Philippines, it seems like an unwritten mandate that you support one of your siblings or nieces or nephews to school. I am not sure how it happened. I just did. Every single person I met in my career with a "great career" has that one scholar. People around us started making babies without a rat's ass clue on how they will support the child's future and they proceeded anyway. Then somehow, they manage to find someone in their life who is single and earns money to enjoy the life of being single. Most of the time, it's a relative so it becomes some sort of an emotional obligation for that relative to care for the said child with uncertain future. Usually, it happens in stages. First, it's just money to pay for part of the tuition. The next year, they'll ask that you pay for the full fee and they'll pay you back. Of course, they'll never pay you back. In fact,

The only "family" I have here is my friend since high school. We have always been close. She's generous and kind. She has taken me in like a sister since I got here. Part of her "sisterly" thing is to have me join her close group of friends in their out of town adventures. She's a year older than I am and married. So are her friends.  In fact, their children are all grown up, except for one. They are all in their early to late 40s. We went out of town and we used two cars. The other car is where the teeners were. Naturally, I went with my friend, in the "oldies" car.  I have always pride myself for being able to "dig" into any interest from any generation. After all, I grew up listening to The Beatles and Elvis. I like both and a bunch of other songs and stuff from their generation. 

This is the most basic of all marketing principles: Tell the customer clearly what's in it for him or her. It's the golden rule. You can forget about all the other rules, tips and principle but not that one. Regardless of what you are selling or who you are selling to or where you are, it doesn't change the fact that consumer benefit must be the selling point.  Think about it, a night cream promises to make you look younger, a shampoo promises to make your hair bouncier, a pair of basketball shoes promises to make jumping easier, an infant formula promises to make your child well-nourished and a bank promises to treat your money like it's theirs.  We are always convinced that doing something will provide us a personal benefit.  It's an age-old trick and even (probably) the oldest institution, the most pure of them all used it, religion.  Religion, regardless of what it is, promises salvation. That's what in it for us when we join a religion, a place

That's the thing about being in a Western country. 33 is not old around here. I don't feel like a matandang dalaga at all... except when I am around other people from back home who grew up back home and migrated here late in their life. Here, people finish college at 23, that is if they finish it at all. Most of the time, they take longer because they have to come up with their own money to pay for college. If they want it cheap, their diploma will be cheap. If they want quality, they need lots of $$$ to have it.   Here, it's common for people to still be "figuring" things out when they are on their 30s. 20s was expected to be a time for being young. 30 is when you begin. For once in my life, I had a guy tell me, "God, you're so young." I literally wanted to laugh out loud and ask, "What drugs are you on and may I have some?"

I was doing well back home. After 33 years, I can pretty much say I was able to do accomplish a lot of my essential dreams: Buy a house for my parents Buy a car for my parents Provide for my family Put my niece to school Travel with my family Write a book Write movies Write TV shows I also have the same friends I've had since elementary, high school and college. There are times when our communication gets interrupted but it has been pretty much an intact friendship regardless of the frequency of our "get togethers". I was doing okay. I was happy. So everyone couldn't understand why I was leaving. After all, I was all set with my plans. I knew I was adopting a child if I get to 40 and I am still single. By that time, I estimated I would have enough savings to secure my child's future even if I don't work another day in my life.

When I was still in my teens, an amateur fortune teller told me three things that stuck to me: I will have four boyfriends. I will break up with the first one, the 2nd and third will dump me and the fourth will marry me My first child will be separated from me I will spend majority of my life trying to leave the country I am not sure how accurate it is but he is correct on the first and second boyfriends. I am still waiting for the third and fourth. I don't have a child yet but I have always considered my sister my own. If that is true, he is right. I am away from her and will always be because she will never be biologically mine.

For more than 17 years I worked like there was no tomorrow. I was 18 when I entered the workforce and a month into my first job, I was working at least 12 hours everyday. By the time I was 20, I was working 16 hours a day. It was the only way I could make enough money to pay for the house I bought and eat TWICE a day. I couldn't afford to eat three times. I had to settle for Pancit Canton or egg because I didn't have money to buy other dish. I was eating so unhealthily that I ended up 20 pounds overweight and sick by the time I was 21. I couldn't buy my own clothes that I had to borrow from my mom. My boss actually scolded me for wearing worn out clothes. How could I have told him I had no money to buy new ones? I had to do it because I lived my whole life in the basement of my grandmother's house who hated me and my mother with passion. I had to move my family out of the house because I wanted to give my parents some dignity and pride.

I went back to my alma mater. Since I am moving to another country for a job, I won’t be seeing it for a while. I knew it was going to be a little emotional for me but I didn’t know it was also going to be cathartic. Who Was That Person? I could see myself walking those pavements. I was perpetually in awe of the proud buildings, of those intimidating holy men immortalized through those dreary statues and of those traditions never imposed but always displayed. I remember my routine, the extra-curricular activities I joined and friends I made. I remember where I hanged out, what I promised myself I would become and what I tried hard to achieve. I remember my failures, the people I hated and impressions I made. But I don’t quite remember who I was. It was as though I was reliving someone else’s life, like I was remember someone I knew back when I was in college. I don’t remember who I was then. I wonder if that version of me would recognize who I am today.

Scenario: Me with my two guy friends from college.  Me: So, how was the girl? (asking about our friend's girlfriend) Friend 1: She's okay. They complement each other.  Me: How?  Friend 1: She's very attentive to his needs. She likes taking care of him. He is one of us so he needs to be taken care of.  Friend 2: Oh, she's just like my wife.  Friend 1: She's just like my wife. She takes care of me. 

You ask for donation so you can build a church. Once the church is built, you ask for donation so you can maintain it. The expenses will include your personal expenses like food, electricity bills, clothing and other paraphernalia needed so you can do mass. My friend, let’s call him Ellie, arrived in our usual hang out place proposing we establish the Church of Ellie. “It will be the most liberal religion, ever” he said. We will preach love, living life the “best way you know how” and without judging the way other people live theirs. It’s all about setting your personal moral standards and living by it. That’s the doctrine.

My friend, let’s call him Milagro. Milagro is in a new relationship. We’re happy about it because he has been looking for someone for quite some time now. In fact, one of the reasons he decided to go back into being an employee is to find someone. He said that if he puts up his own business, he has less chances of meeting someone new. The thing is that she’s married, separated but married. I asked him how she feels about it. He said it works for him because: He doesn’t have to marry her If she pursues an annulment, it will still take a long time so more time to be single He won’t be nagged about “the future of the relationship” because she’s the one that is hitched It will justify him looking for someone else because they can’t be a family unless she gets annulled Milagro, you’re such a genius.

33. My parents still can't bring themselves to talk openly about sex with me. Unlike other children, my parents never gave me "the talk". I just remember one time when we were watching a move and a guy went on top of the girl and my mom said "that's supposed to be done by married people". I nodded. Operative word: supposed to be. They never asked me about my boyfriends or whether or not we had sex. I don't think they ever will but my Mom dropped a hint when she told me she watched a celebrity sex tape and said that it's painful to watch for a mother. To your daughter doing it with a "man", the daughter you love and took care of... she said she won't be able to take it. I got the point and I got the message. It's not like I have plans of making one. To watch myself have sex would be totally horrendous. Even I would be traumatized, imagine the others who will watch it. So yeah, I'll do the world a favor and won't make

Do you ever imagine how a guy would propose to you? There are some girls who like grand elaborate proposals, complete with an orchestra, under the sunset, candles and ground carpeted with rose petals. I don't like that. I do want to be swept off my feet but in a more simple but intimate way. More importantly, by the right person. My friend, who fell in love for the first time in his mid 30s, proposed . She said yes. My friends and I are meeting her for the first time this weekend. My friends are asking me to behave. I will but I can't stop laughing when I heard the news. Nope, I don't find the relationship "funny" in a bad way. I was actually giddy and happy for my friend. I mean, here I am in the midst of damaged, broken, traumatized and perpetually pragmatic men as a result of intensely chaotic or oddly steady but unequivocally fittingly painful relationships and one man rises above the rest to prove that love experience need not be painful and relations

You post a selfie on Facebook, open it to the public and then you go all Rambo when someone says something you don’t like. You seek for attention and when someone gives it to you, you get upset. Hypocrite attention-whore. If your only intention is to share to the people who care about you, then share your stuff to your friends ONLY. Facebook made that function years ago. If you post it to the public, expect the public to respond. If you post a photo of you in bikini, expect people to comment about your body. If you want to show the beautiful scenery, get out of the frame. If you want to say something on your status message, say it and don’t leave some cryptic message that’s obviously meant to fish for attention.

I still don’t know what the deal is. So you record the most intimate thing you can ever do in your life. You don’t mean it to be public. It’s something you wanted to keep with your partner, for whatever purpose it may serve you. No one can fault you for it because, as they say, whatever you do in the privacy of your home, is your business. Until the sex tape comes out, gets on YouTube and other video uploading sites.  Yes, it should not have come out. Just like Chito Miranda, you made sure no one gets a copy of it except it turns out that you’re not sure because the tape did get out and now the whole world can watch you having sex. It wasn’t supposed to be your fault. It's a personal property and everyone is supposed to respect your property, right? It’s no different from having a  phone. Whatever you put there should be confidential. If it gets stolen, who stole it is held liable. 

How are you? I searched for your name in Facebook . You didn't show up.  You were a grade higher and we never really interacted so you probably don't know who I was or who I am. However, you pursued my batchmate. I was not close to her so I don't know much about your relationship. I just hears a few things about your relationship but never enough for me to know what was going on.  I knew that you broke up and, apparently, it was because the parents didn't want the two of your together. She transferred to another school in our junior year and I suppose it left your broken hearted. I overheard you talking about her one time. You said that you saw her and that she didn't change. She was still bubbly and pretty.  Click here to read "Marrying Age is Getting Older." I thought it was sweet but of course I was a little jealous. If it was me you pursued, you would not have been broken hearted, you would have been a loser.  I barely remember your face now.

I belong to the popular group in high school. It wasn’t because I was popular, it was because they thought I was smart so they befriended me. By the time they realized I wasn’t smart, it was too late. They were stuck with me.  I am not really sure what role I played in our group. We were a mix of beauty and brains. The smartest in the batch belonged to our group. The Ms. Campus on our Sophomore, Junior and Senior year belonged to our group. We had a friend who was also a member of the national swimming team. We had another member who was a great artist. I, on the other hand, was the odd one out.  Click here to read about  the childhood fantasies I still keep. The Pretty One / The Jock As I’ve said, the Ms. Campus for three years belonged to our group. That means we had, at least, three pretty ones in our group. One was tall and dark, one was downright charming and the other one sophisticatedly pretty. They weren’t fashionistas. In fact, they were very simple but their faces

I am leaving in a month. I’ll be gone for some time. If things go as planned, I will be away for at least three years. I’ll be in my mid 30s by the time I come back. It’s a temporary goodbye for me because I do think I will come back. I have no intention to do otherwise. But it is customary to still say a “temporary goodbye” to some people like family, relatives and friends. It’s not supposed to be entirely sad until it is.  Click here for 30, Single and Depressed. I have a friend with HIV. We have been friends since 3 rd grade. I was there when he started getting confused about his sexuality, when he first admitted to someone that he has a crush on another guy and when he finally admitted to himself that he is gay. He was there when I first had my boyfriend and was happier for me than I was for myself to finally feel the elation of falling in love. We were there for each other during breaks ups and make ups. Like many long time friends, there were months when w

Who got fat? Who got hot? Who succeeded? Who failed? Who got married to a prince/princess? Who had babies and skipped the marriage part? What happened to the valedictorian? To that girl/guy who thinks he is smart? To that ugly friend in a group of popular ones? Admit it or not, those are the reasons people go to reunions. The surprising thing is that the answers are rarely ever the expected ones. Even if the valedictorian ends up working a high-paying job, he is most likely working for one of the high school losers or geeks who were bullied hard. Even if the ugly girl remains ugly, she most likely found someone who finds her pretty and makes her happy. Click here to read "Things I Wish I Knew When I was in My Teens". Even if the jock remains hot, there is probably some guy no one remembers who ended up being a model. Our religious valedictorian got pregnant in her junior year in college. She skipped a semester to have a baby. She continu

Yes, I would agree to a pre-nup. After several totally screwed up relationshps, I do get how nothing is certain. I have my own properties too and I want that protected as well. The question is, what do you think is right for you? Here is what I think I would want. 1) Naturaly, it depends how much he earns. If I end up marrying someone as rich as Page, Brin, Disney and the likes, I'd want $10M per year of marriage is peanuts. 2) I want our children to have an assurance that they will get as much as his future children or past children with other women will get, if not more.  Click here to read about the days that could really make you want to kick random people in the nuts.  

Advantages of Going for Older Men I have always wanted to end up marrying someone way older than I am. At least five years because of the reasons below: 1) Made By the time they got to 40, they should be made. If they aren't, then there's something wrong with them and that could only mean, he is not the one I would want to spend the rest of my life with. Being made comes with a lot of things. Security is one and that is the most important. I need the guy who is secure of himself. I need someone who knows his worth and respects himself. That's the only way I will respect him. I need someone who knows how he wants to be treated and knows how he should treat other people, too. If he is secure, then he should have no problem tolerating my eccentricities. He an give in to what I want every now and then without feeling like he is a wuss.

My auntie, she's my age, had a boyfriend. Guys like her. She's pretty. Not doll-like pretty, nowhere near perfect but she's pretty AND, more importantly, attractive. When we were younger, she's had a lot of suitors and was almost never vacant. She'd jump from one relationship to another. She knew how to live. She enjoyed the assets God gave her. She finally settled down with one guy. They were together for more than a year. She was still in college then. The guy was average looking but smart. He was short but a gentleman. At least that's how he acted when with us. He was neat and always looked put together. After about a year. She started getting restless. They started sleeping together 3 months into the relationship but she insisted it wasn't about sex. She was just starting to want more.  Click here to read about my thoughts on being the ugliest among us cousins. 

They say first love never succeeds. I believe in this. I believe that even if you end up with your first love, it is never quite the love that you had when you first fell in love. First love is pure, innocent, brave, unreasonable... a total immersion. It happens when you are young. You have no bills to pay, career to think about or future to secure. All you think about is the now, what you have going right at that moment. That's why you are totally able to give yourself to love. You fall in love with the other person who, more often than not, is also in that same state of mind. You meet at that time when mornings meant another day, not another work day. You have so much vacant spots inside of you to fill and you are innocent enough to just trust fully.  Click here to read about "Relationship Checklist".

I have a cousin who seems to have gotten it right with her husband. She has had several relationships but it seems she got it right this time. She often talk about her husband, children and her travels. She sounds happy and, I think, looks happy. I sometimes wonder, is she really? Her life is good but far from the life she used to dream of. This is not what she wants. The guy she is with is not even close to her type. Could people really change? Could people really want something and then end up with something else and discover that's really what they want? I also sometimes envy her, in a good way of course. I wouldn't want the kind of life she has but I envy the foundation of her present life. She has a husband who takes care of her, beautiful children, a career to make her feel she is her own woman and a family she is able to help. By all accounts, that's happiness in my eyes and success too.

I am getting too old for standard life bullshit and special people crap.  I have this thing where I find absolute disdain towards love stories that end happily. I don't know why but I just cringe and tremble at the thought of a guy running after a girl in the airport just as when she is about to board the plane to go some place where nothing will remind him of the guy.  I mean, come f$ckin' on. First of all, if a guy runs in the airport, he will most likely be arrested. Second, if a girl already boarded, there's no way in hell airport security will let her out of the gate come hell or high water. Third, I just have issues. End of story.  Last week, in a temporary feat of insanity, I decided to watch a movie, a love story, which I thought was going to be a tragic one. That was right up my alley.  The damn movie ended happily but not after 4 hours of separation, breaking up, fights, crying and other angst that keep on getting in the way of the two main characters. B

People keep on losing the ones they love because they keep on repeating the same mistakes *** It's very rarely about finding the right person. It is almost always about making the choice to stay.  ***

So, how does this REALLY works?  I want my guy to open doors for me, pull my chair, carry heavy stuff for me, you know...be treated with gentleness. With equality, do I need to be gentle to him, too? I also want him to pick up the tab and be the provider of the family. Of course, I'll help but I want my main job to the children and him. With equality, doe he get to demand that he stays with the kids as much as I do? I still reserve the right to not say what I want and be angry when I don't get it. With equality, do they get to throw tantrums too? I reserve the right to say I am not mad or jealous and expect him to know if I am really not mad or jealous of he should run for his life. With equality, can he say something and actually mean something else and expect me to know the difference? Click here and learn how to avoid being a matandang dalaga. 

An ordinary afternoon with my friends. Idiot #1: I Don’t Like Hot Guys “Look, I know I am average looking at best. It’s fine. I’ve made peace with God about it a long time ago. It took me a long time but I finally was able to accept that I am not one of those people who can go out with in a white shirt and a pair of tattered jeans and will still turn heads. It was rough for me but I was finally able to get to that place when I just knew I had to take the extra mile to look at least acceptable. But the last thing I want is to walk around with a guy and have everyone around us think ‘She hit the jackpot but him… tsk… tsk… someone needs to hit him in the head or something.’ I don’t want to regress!” Idiot #2: I Really Don’t Care About Looks “I know a lot of women out there say they don’t care about a guy’s looks but they actually do, especially the hot girls. I mean, who would want their genes diluted, right? BUT not me. I really don’t care about how a guy looks. I am hot. I

Woman Changing a Name And so he never returned. I wrote about this cousin who was left by her husband . There are some details I left out. He left on Christmas eve. Best Christmas day gift ever! For months, my cousin never lost hope that the guy will return. Eventually, he got in touch with her. They would go on dates and he made a promise every week that he will return the succeeding week. It never happened. I didn’t bother to talk my cousin out of hoping. What is the point, right? We all know people who are blinded by love is worse than a blind horse clearing a hurdle without an equestrian. The important thing is that she is sane again… at least that’s what she appears to be. Now, last week, she came to me asking how does she go about changing her name back.  Click here to read about how I DIDN'T discover my boyfriend was cheating on me.

I am truly amazed that someone is reading this blog. Not only that, someone bothered to email and ask me a question. While she asks to remain anonymous she asked me to answer her question here instead of her email. Her questions: You seem smart, why are you still single? Are you ugly? Well, miss anonymous. I did write about how I look in thisentry and I stand by what I said. However, it did inspire me to look into the possible reasons I am still single. Here are the possible reasons. 1.        While I was on a date with my boyfriend, I forgot I was with him. I bought movie tickets while he was buying food. I bought one ticket. You can’t make this shit up. 2.        Having too many male friends made me think like them. A guy feels kinda gay when he goes on a date with me. 3.        I have too many gay friends and think and act like them. A guy feels kinda gay when he goes on a date with me. 4.        I almost died when I was a kid. I had such a high fever for mo

I have been writing about how I ended up being a matandang dalaga. While I was thinking about what to write next, I realized, I have no idea. That drove me into thinking how I can possibly get out of that block.  I think I could avoid the block had I avoided being a matandang dalaga. So, I called up some of my most intelligent friends and asked them for their advice on how I could actually avoid being a matandang dalaga. Here are the best ones I got. Click here to understand why I think my relatives are at fault for me being still single at this age. Lower your expectation. Lumandi ka. ‘Te, you’re not that pretty. You need to flirt like Jessica Rabbit on steroids to outdo other women who… are more blessed than you are. Be a bitch. The good ones are taken. Agawin mo.

I have a theory that infidelity is not about love or the lack of it. It's all about vanity. When someone makes you feel important, desired and tingly, you feel good about yourself. Even if the current official partner still makes you feel that, having someone else want you is an ego trip of a lifetime. My first boyfriend cheated on me on the third year of our relationship with a girl he met online. I know… such a pathetic cliché. He mentioned the girl once. Let’s call her Roberta. He said she plays one his online games with her. I didn’t think much about it because I used to play games too. I know you interact with other people all the time.  Click here to read about how to determine if your boyfriend is still not over his ex.  As time went on, he would usually cut our dinner or evening conversation short so he can go online and play that game he is playing. One time I we were having dinner at his place, he even played the game while I was watching T

My then boyfriend and I were hanging out at my house. My parents were there and we were having snack. I stood up to get some water and I asked my then-boyfriend, “Want some water?” He nodded. I went to the kitchen and poured some water. When I turned, my mom was standing behind me, staring at me. “What?” I didn’t say it but that was on my mind. She burst into tears. “You’re not even married and you’re serving him!” Shit, right?